Thursday, January 25, 2018

Evidence That We Are Living In A Simulation: Sports Edition

Last summer I wrote this post about the possibility that The Matrix might be real. I gave three examples and promised that there would be more to come. Today, I shall fulfill that promise.
As I said in that previous post, there's been a lot of stuff written about this subject over the years, so I'll try not to go over any ground that's already been trod upon. Instead, I'll just provide you with my own personal observations. If someone else has already cited the examples that I've listed below, please let me know, as any additional corroboration for my theories would be most welcome.

So here we go.

1. The New England Patriots
All right, maybe Bill Belichick's coaching style is just that good. Or maybe they are, in fact, cheating. Perhaps it's a bit of both. But still, that doesn't quite explain how a NFL team in the salary-cap era (which, for you non-football-fans, basically means that a team can't spend more than a certain amount of money on player salaries) can win double-digit regular season games in sixteen out of seventeen years as well as five Super Bowl championships, all while consistently plugging in cheap and/or unknown players at key positions and then turning them into stars. I mean, did you watch last year's Super Bowl when they came back from being twenty-five points down late in the third quarter? Seriously, there have got to be some other forces at work here. (EDIT: I actually drafted this post before Sunday's AFC Championship game. Then the Patriots fell behind 20-10 in the fourth quarter. Did I ever once think about the possibility of having to rewrite this post? The answer: no.)

2. Tiger Woods
I know, I know, he hasn't been the same for a while now, but remember that incredible run he was on before everything just sort of fell apart? Look, as all of us weekend hackers know, golf is HARD. Like, ridiculously hard. That's why we enjoy watching professional golfers, because they can do some pretty amazing things that hardly anyone else on the planet can do. But this is - or was - a guy who other professional golfers were amazed by. Winning four major tournaments in a row is an accomplishment that probably has no equal in sports, the closest thing being maybe winning five Super Bowls and going to three more (see above). An episode of Married With Children speculated that perhaps Mr. Woods had sold his soul, but my guess is that he made a deal with an Agent from The Matrix that he later somehow reneged on.

3. Stephen Curry
When he and the Golden State Warriors emerged as NBA powerhouses a few years ago, my first reaction was "wait, what?" I mean, sure, he was a great college player and finished second in the balloting for NBA Rookie of the Year, but his performance level appeared to dramatically shoot up from decent to elite once he came back from an injury-shortened season in 2012. In nerdy terms, it was almost like he went from being a Padawan learner to a Jedi Master overnight. There are a lot of theories out there as to how this happened, but I, of course, am going guessed it: the Matrix.

So that concludes this special Sports Edition of "Evidence That We Are Living In A Simulation." I will continue to look for examples and provide you with additional updates as they become available. In the meantime, remember: there is no spoon.

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