Thursday, April 26, 2018

Felicity and Fireflower Get Ready To See Avengers: Infinity War

Hey, Felicity here. A little over four months ago I introduced the first trailer for Avengers: Infinity War to my friend Fireflower, who, as you know, is from Spectraland. Anyway, since then - and especially after she saw Gamora - she's been really interested in not only this upcoming movie but in the whole Marvel Cinematic Universe. So in anticipation of this week's release of Infinity War, we caught up with all the other MCU movies to date. I think she even bought and read a few of the actual comics after I showed her how to use Brian's credit card online. Now we're all properly stoked and ready to go see this movie.
Fireflower (modeling her Gamora costume): How do I look?
Felicity: Awesome.
Fireflower: Thank you. As do you. That Black Widow outfit really suits you.
Felicity: I didn't even have to dye my hair this time.
Fireflower: So you are sure it is acceptable to view the film in public while dressed like this?
Felicity: Oh yeah, of course. It's cosplay, man. There'll be lots of people dressed up. Plus this way we won't have to explain your naturally green skin.
Joel (walking into the room wearing a Spider-Man costume): Hey, everyone.
Fireflower: That is the line from Captain America: Civil War!
Joel: Wow, you got that reference! I'm impressed.
Felicity: She's really been doing her homework.
Fireflower: It has been my pleasure. Your Earth stories are so very interesting. And now I know why that line about "made-up names" in the second trailer is so humorous.
Felicity: Speaking of which, we should watch that one again. Joel, fire it up.
Joel: Okay. (presses play)
Fireflower (saying Gamora's lines): "The entire time I knew him...he only ever had one goal: to wipe out half the universe. If he gets all the Infinity Stones, he can do it with a snap of his fingers." (snaps) "Just like that."
Felicity (in fake-Tony Stark voice): "Tell me his name again."
Fireflower (dramatically): "Thanos."
(Everyone breaks out laughing, Felicity and Fireflower exchange high-fives)
Joel: Nice.
Fireflower: I cannot wait to view this.
Joel: Hopefully it's good.
Felicity: Dude, how can it not be? I mean, even in a worst-case scenario, you've got all these characters stuffed into the same film, so that alone will be amazing.
Joel: You're right.
Felicity: I know.
Keeper of the Light (walking into the room, dressed as Mantis): I am not sure about this.
Joel: Whoa, you look great!
Felicity: Yeah, what he said.
Fireflower: Do not fret. Thanks to your antennae and your naturally large eyes, your appearance is remarkably faithful to the original.
Keeper: I suppose, but these sleeves are rather uncomfortable. How long did you say this movie was?
Felicity: Two hours and forty minutes. Plus there'll be about fifteen minutes of previews.
Keeper: Oh my.
Felicity: You'll be fine. Once everything starts you'll forget about your sleeves or whatever.
Joel: All right, I think we'd better get going.
Felicity: Dude, relax. We still have half an hour to get to the theater.
Joel: Twenty-eight minutes, actually. And there's going to be a long line.
Felicity: I already bought tickets online. We have reserved seats. So chill.
Joel: You already bought tickets?
Felicity: That's what I just said.
Joel: No, I mean, how did you do that? You don't have a credit card.
Felicity: The details aren't important. Now we should watch the trailer one more time before we -
Brian (walking into room, not in costume): Hey, do you guys know why I have all these strange charges on my credit card statement? There's, like, hundreds of dollars for some comic book store, movie rentals, the theater, and -
Felicity: All right, we gotta go. Don't want to be late. See ya!
Brian: What? Hey, wait!
Felicity (on her way out the door): We'll talk about that stuff later!
Brian: Okay, but don't forget this Saturday we have the Autism Empowerment Game-O-Rama Fundraiser from 4pm-8pm at Northwest Gospel Church, 305 NE 192nd Avenue, Vancouver WA!
(Car zooms away)
Brian (sighing): Oh, those kids.

Thursday, April 19, 2018

Best Cat Songs

Taken from an August 24, 2017 Facebook post:
Cat Moon Rising
Cat in Black
You Cat Always Get What You Want
Cathole Sun
Suffragette Kitty
I Cat Drive 55
(I Cat Get No) Satisfaction
Caturday in the Park
I Cat Go for That
Cat Medicine
Paradise Kitty
I Would Do Anything for Love (But I Won't Do Cat)
Fade to Cat
Where It's Cat
Hey Cat, Nice Shot
We Built This Kitty
Don't Look Cat In Anger
Who Can It Be Meow
More Than A Feline
Love is a Cat-tlefield
Just Cat Get Enough
Cat Resort

There were literally hundreds more.

Thursday, April 12, 2018

My Musical History, Episode 17: Dan Grows Out His Hair

This is a continuation of a series of posts that left off back in - gasp - October 2014? Has it really been that long? How does that even happen? I'm telling ya, there has to be some sort of weird time travel thing going on here.
Anyway, since that time, the band that I talked about in that 2014 post has been, well, rather busy. We released our first album, recorded and released our second album, and played a whole bunch of shows along the way. We also put out our first official video (for a song off of our upcoming third album) and even had an adult beverage based on one of our songs brewed up and served on tap.

Then, last Friday, we played our biggest show to date - opening for Jonathan Davis of Korn at the Crystal Ballroom in Portland.
Needless to say, it was a lot of fun. We did a short set that included songs from all three albums as well as our now-signature cover of Dramarama's "Anything, Anything".
We were followed by Palisades, a really cool post-hardcore band from New Jersey, and then, of course, the mighty Jonathan Davis, who absolutely killed it with his new solo material.
The venue staff and the crowd were amazing and awesome. Hoping we get to do something like it again soon!
So that's the latest chapter in my musical history. Stay tuned for Episode 18, which I'm thinking will not take another 3.5 years to come out...?

P.S. If you're in or near the Salem, Oregon area, check us out tomorrow night at The Space! It's an all-ages show, and we'll be joined by our good friends The Toads and Hot Sheets. $5 cover - a bargain, if you ask me - and it starts at 9pm. See you there!

Thursday, April 5, 2018

A Post That Is Sort Of About Baseball

As some of you may already know, I'm a fan of certain spectator sports; namely golf, American football (I've tried to get into the Rest-of-the-World version, but so far, not much luck), basketball, and - probably most of all - baseball.
As I've said multiple times before, I know that sports fandom is, at its core, pretty silly - to paraphrase Jerry Seinfeld, we're all basically just rooting for laundry - but it serves as a fun distraction, and I think that, when done right, it also helps to bring communities together by giving people a common experience to rally around. And like with any other performance-based form of entertainment, it's also exciting and inspiring to watch individuals with extraordinary talent doing their thing on a large stage.

But anyway, I'm writing this now because the 2018 Major League Baseball season has begun, and for fans of the Seattle Mariners, there's a bit of nostalgia in the air as Ichiro Suzuki is back! If you've read this previous post, you know that Joel Suzuki is partially named after Ichiro, who at the time had recently been traded to some East Coast team that shall remain nameless.

So far, Ichiro has added a couple of hits to his prodigious career total and has also made an incredible home run-stealing catch out in his new perch in left field. I'm not sure I'll be able to get out to Safeco Field any time soon to see him play one more time (I've seen him plenty in the past), but hopefully he'll be productive enough to stick around for at least a little while longer.

And also hopefully this will finally be the year that the Mariners break what is now the longest playoff drought among the four major professional sports leagues in North America, rather than breaking their own assorted limbs and other body parts (which is already happening at an alarming rate - I'm telling you guys, PLEASE stop with the upside-down trident logo already).

In years past, during spring training (which, for those of you who aren't familiar, is the baseball equivalent of the preseason), while the players were building up arm strength and getting their swing timing down, my preparation for the season would usually consist of practicing two things for when the inevitable meltdowns and other gut-punch losses would occur: (1) my Kif-style sighs, and - something that annoys my kids greatly - (2) saying "And that's the game!" as soon as the team falls 4+ runs behind (a phrase that I borrowed from Mario Super Sluggers).

This year, though, despite the use of the upside-down trident logos AGAIN during spring training, I've decided to try to keep a continuous positive attitude. So far it's been working to the tune of a 3-2 record, but it's a long season, so we shall see. Maybe if all of us Mariners fans wish hard enough, Felix Hernandez will continue pitching to contact and getting quick outs (whoops - I wrote that line before yesterday's game), James Paxton won't spontaneously combust and leave a little green globule on the mound, and the team will actually win enough games to sneak into the second wild card berth. One can only hope. Right?

Go M's!*

* Note for fellow grammar geeks: this is a contraction apostrophe, not a possessive