Thursday, March 3, 2022

Happy Girls' Day: An SPS-Verse Skit


Five young women are here, milling around. They are: FELICITY, 19, SUZI, 17, APRIL, 24, LYDIA, 24, and GLORIA, 24.

LYDIA: So, like, do any of you know why we're here?
FELICITY: No clue.
APRIL: But don't you live here, with my cousin Joel and that guy who's always interviewing me and Lyd about baseball?
FELICITY: I do, but that doesn't mean we tell each other everything.
GLORIA: This is very odd. All of you are dressed like you're from some bygone era. What year is this?
SUZI: 2022.
FELICITY: Or 2013.
APRIL: Or 2018.
FELICITY: Don't worry about it. It's complicated.

A middle-aged MAN enters. This is BRIAN. He is carrying a tray of mochi (Japanese rice cake).

BRIAN: Hinamatsuri omedetou! Happy Girls' Day!
FELICITY: Girls' Day?
BRIAN: Yeah, it's a Japanese holiday that happens on March 3rd. We used to celebrate it back in Hawaii, too.
LYDIA (to April): Did you know about this?
APRIL: Nope.
LYDIA: What? What kind of Japanese person are you?
APRIL: The fifth-generation that was born and raised on the mainland kind.
BRIAN: It's only the second time that it's fallen on a blog day, and the first time since I started getting into Japanese culture, so I figured we'd have a small celebration.
GLORIA: That is very kind of you, but I believe we are too old to be considered girls.
SUZI: I'm not, technically.
BRIAN: Well, these days it's for women of all ages.
FELICITY: Hey, works for me (takes a piece of mochi and eats it). Mm, this is pretty good.
BRIAN: Everyone, please, douzo. Help yourself.

Everyone takes a piece of mochi and eats it (Gloria sniffs hers first) except Suzi.

FELICITY (eating a second piece): You really should try this. You're missing out.
SUZI: Thanks, but I'm on a diet.
LYDIA: What for? You must weigh, what, a hundred pounds, tops.
APRIL: Probably as a result of said diet.
FELICITY: Aw, c'mon, one won't kill you.
SUZI: Oh, okay (takes a piece and eats it). You're right, it is good.
BRIAN: Anyway, I just wanted to get you all together here and say thanks for being such incredible members of the SPS-Verse, with Felicity and Suzi from the Joel Suzuki series, April and Lydia from what used to be called Jinx but will probably be changed to something else, and, of course, Gloria from Glorified.
GLORIA: What is he talking about?
FELICITY: He goes off on weird tangents like that every once in a while. Just humor him.
SUZI: Actually, I think I've heard of this. It's kind of like a multiverse where we all exist in the same timeline or reality, but just in different scenarios within the same continuity.
APRIL: I do recall him saying something about how Lyd and I were the stars of some movie script, or whatever.
FELICITY: Yeah...and wait, isn't there another one, called 200 BPM or Civil or something like that, that features a woman? Shouldn't she be here, too?
BRIAN (looking sheepish): Uh, true, but...
FELICITY: But what?
BRIAN: She's a bit, well...not good with mixed company, let's say.
SUZI: She's a serial killer, right?
BRIAN: Uh...yeah.
LYDIA: Are you serious?
BRIAN: Yeah. But don't worry, she only kills people who are jerks.
FELICITY: Well, you didn't invite her to this party, so that just might make you a jerk.

Cue OMINOUS MUSIC as the camera PANS to a window in the house where a MYSTERIOUS FIGURE is lurking and watching the proceedings.



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