Thursday, July 21, 2022

Joel and Felicity's Birthday Party: An SPS-Verse Skit


There is a birthday party going on. Besides BRIAN, 52, there are a number of other people here, all members of the SPS-Verse: two women in their 20s, APRIL and LYDIA; a man in his late 40s, DOUG; two men and one woman in their 20s, OLEN, DIRK, and PATTI; one woman in her 20s, GLORIA; one woman in her 30s (with green skin), FIREFLOWER; and the guests of honor, JOEL and FELICITY (ages unknown, probably late teens to early 20s). Everyone is mingling and having drinks and refreshments.
BRIAN (to Joel and Felicity): Hey, so this was a pretty good turnout, don't you think?
FELICITY (nursing a diet cola): Sure, yeah, whatever.
JOEL: Is Gibson coming?
BRIAN: No, they said something about being stuck in the fourth dimension.
FELICITY: What about that other woman...Brenda something.
JOEL: The serial killer?
BRIAN: I, uh... I didn't invite her.
BRIAN: Pretty much, yeah.
FELICITY: Just like when we had that thing back in March.
BRIAN: Well, I didn't want any unnecessary drama.
FELICITY: You don't think continuing to leave her out will end up causing even more drama later on?
BRIAN: I'm sure it'll be all right.
FELICITY: Famous last words.
BRIAN: What?
FELICITY: Nothing.

April and Lydia approach.

APRIL: Happy birthday, cuz!
JOEL: Thank you.
APRIL: And you too, Felicity.
FELICITY: *mumbles*
LYDIA: I didn't know you two had the same birthday.
FELICITY: We don't. They're four days apart. El Cheapo here (points thumb at Brian) just likes to combine them.
APRIL: If I'm not mistaken, you folks didn't even have a party since 2018, right?
BRIAN: Well, you know, Covid.
FELICITY: That doesn't explain 2019.
APRIL: And instead, you had me and Lyd come in for midseason interviews about baseball and the Mariners.
BRIAN: Right, well, I figured that was okay, since it was just the three of us.
FELICITY: Excuses, excuses.
JOEL: Speaking of the Mariners, isn't it amazing that they've now won fourteen games in a --
LYDIA (holding hands over ears): LALALALALALALALA
JOEL (to April): Why is she doing that?
APRIL: She doesn't want to jinx them.

Elsewhere in the house, three separate conversations are going on: between Olen and Doug, Patti and Fireflower, and Dirk and Gloria.

DOUG: So, uh, I hear you're a superhero.
OLEN: Sort of, yeah.
DOUG: Who got his powers from... the Devil?
OLEN: Yup.
DOUG: Doesn't that make you more of a supervillain?
OLEN: It's a long story. What about you, what do you do?
DOUG: Oh, I'm a brewer. Of, you know, beer.
OLEN: Oh, cool. I love beer.
DOUG: Good beer, right?
OLEN: Of course.
DOUG: Hey, I have an idea. I have this recipe for a dark IRA called "Head of Sin." Maybe we can do some kind of collaboration, since, you know, you're associated with...
OLEN: Well, I'd really prefer not to make a big deal out of that.
DOUG: You can be the taste tester.
OLEN: Okay, I'm in.

PATTI: I love those little leaves on your arm.
FIREFLOWER: Thank you. But why?
PATTI: I dunno, they're just kind of cool. Like Poison Ivy, or something.
FIREFLOWER: Ah, a reference to the comic book character.
PATTI: Exactly.
FIREFLOWER: Are you a devoted reader of the comic books?
PATTI: Kinda, yeah. My boyfriend, Dirk, works at a comic book shop, so he brings home a lot of free samples. Or, at least, he says they're free samples.
FIREFLOWER: What are you implying?
PATTI (lowering her voice): Between me and you, I think he five-finger-discounts them.
FIREFLOWER: Five-finger discount?
PATTI: Yeah, you know...
PATTI (whispering): He steals them.
FIREFLOWER: Oh, I see. Your boyfriend does not sound like a person of high moral standards.
PATTI (rolling eyes): You're telling me. But he's a good person at heart. Mostly.

DIRK: Hey, Gloria, right?
GLORIA: Correct.
DIRK: Aren't you, like, an assassin from the future?
GLORIA: Not exactly. I'm an Enforcer. Or, at least, I used to be.
DIRK: Oh, right, like a supercop-slash-soldier.
GLORIA: That is a more accurate description. Although, Enforcers do perform assassinations from time to time as part of their regular duties.
DIRK: Well, either way, it's pretty hot.
GLORIA: I beg your pardon?
DIRK: Nothing. Hey, so, while you're hanging out here in the past, maybe you'd like to grab a drink with me sometime?
GLORIA: Grab a drink with you?
DIRK: Yeah, you know, so we can get to know each other a little better.
GLORIA (narrows eyes, looks over in Patti's direction): Isn't that your relationship partner over there?
DIRK (surprised): What? Oh, um, yeah, I guess.
GLORIA: You guess?
DIRK (sheepish): I mean, yeah, she is.
GLORIA: I may have been trained to be an unemotional human weapon, but I could still tell what you were just attempting to do.
DIRK: What? Oh, hey, no, I wasn't attempting anything, I swear.
GLORIA: I think this conversation is over.
DIRK: Okay, okay, whatever you say.

The party continues. Later, everyone sings "Happy Birthday," Joel and Felicity open presents, and cake is served. As people eat cake and resume casual conversation, we pan to a window where we see a SHADOWY FIGURE peering into the house. The camera slowly zooms in on the figure until we see that it is BRENDA, the serial killer that was mentioned earlier. She smiles.


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